From Your perfect hands 

You gave Your one and only son 

To save, we wretched people

So undeserving

Sitting under our steeples

We've done nothing to deserve it

Some don't even care

But I, Your lowly servant

Have striped myself bare

Of all this worlds problems

I decicate myself to you

You and only You

My life will be your masterpiece

And you will be the potter

I'm not really sure where this came from but i wanted to share. Love you guys.

Jesus, here I am, your favorite one.

What are you thinking?

What are you feeling?

I have to know.

So, I'm in prayer, and this song is playing on The Prayer Room, and it got me thinking about it. First, of all...I'm God's favorite me, and it makes me feel absolutely wonderful. I'm Gods favorite. There will never be anyone like me in the future and there has never been anyone like me in the history of humanity. I LOVE that thought. God made me a complete individual, not similar to anyone. When I think about it...how much of an insane amount of love goes into making us. God is SO in love with me, and I, somehow, overlook that sometimes. It remind me of that Misty Edwards song.

I'm in love with God and God's in love with me, this is who I am and this is who I'll be and that settles it. Completely.

Something else it made me think about too is the fact that God lets us know what going on with Him. He lets us know His thoughts and His feeling about us and about what we do and about what He does. That, in and of itself, is absolutely amazing to me. I could sit and think about it forever. 

John 15:14-16a

14 You are my friends if you do what I command. 15 I no longer call you slaves, because a master doesn’t confide in his slaves. Now you are my friends, since I have told you everything the Father told me. 16 You didn’t choose me. I chose you...

My God loves me so much that He not only made me completely special but He also wants to be intimate with me, and how sad is it that I can't even bring myself to be intimate with Him all of the time.  It makes me so sad to think about how much He loves me and how much He cares for me, and how much time and effort He puts into me and that I, for some reason, can't. 

I'm comtinually trying new way to become more intimate with God. That's what I'm here for. That's the very reason I exist.

thinking again

So, I'm sitting here in Al De Salvatore's church with Add, Bee and Heather, to hear Add preach...and there is no Internet so I'm actually writing this in Open Office and more than likely by the time any of you guys read it I will have copied and pasted it to Blogspot. Not sure why I wanted to share that glorious information but maybe someone will find it as strange as I do.

Anyways, for some reason I feel the need to say how awesome God is at making sure my needs are met. I don't have any huge news like my college tuition has been paid or I'm getting a new car or anything like that, just so you won't get your hopes up, but I've just been thinking about it a lot more lately that I normally do. God has so richly blessed me it's not even funny. First of all I'm in Master's Commission and I'm not paying for a thing, now, you may say, “well that's not necessarily God blessing you, that's just your mom paying for you to be here”, and I know this because I've heard it before, but God is blessing me by allowing me to be here through my mom paying for it. Something else is the fact that I'm here and I've been placed with the most awesome home-openers ever. Not only are they allowing me to live in their house but when I had a really annoying, and completely out of my control, money issue, they took care of me until I got the money I needed in the mail.

Those are just two examples out of many, but I just thought I would share. God is so awesome that He blesses me through everything. Every little thing is a blessing from God. Waking up in the morning, having money in my wallet (no matter how much it is), being in MC, being alive, being able to have any type of food I could ever want right at my fingertips, I have amazing friends, my family is absolutely wonderful...honestly God has blessed me with so much I can't even think of it all.

I just felt the need to share. Lol. Love you guys.

Thinking...

I believe you made

All that I can see

So everything I want

Is You, Alive in me

Though I may be young

You said let the children come

So, I will sing

I'm not too small

To know you Jesus

As my Lord

So, I will sing

I will sing, for You

Only for You

Even if my eyes

Can not see You here

I believe You are

I know You're always near

Though I may be young

You said let the children come

So, I will sing

I'm not too small

To know you Jesus

As my Lord

So, I will sing

I will sing for You

Only for You

I was sitting here listening to this Hillsong Kids song, which I love by the way, and I was thinking about having faith like a child. I wish so bad to have that child-like faith again. 

I do Kids Connect on Saturday night now, and seven though I normally only do sound, I did worship with them tonight. It was one of the most awesome things I've experienced in a long time. Not only did 30 or more kids jump around and sing to Jesus, but being in the middle of it made me, somehow, feel like I could get that child-like faith back again. It's also so easy to let loose in worship when im around all the kids in Kids Connect. Kids always have this way of not caring who's around in worship. If they want to dance - they dance. If they want to jump - they jump. If they want to spin around - they spin around. Even if the just want to dance in front of the projector - they do it!

It always seems harder to worship when I'm around other adults. We always seem to be so judgmental towards others, and in turn, we feel like we are going to be judged for something we do or want to do, and I'm pretty sick of it. 

I'm making a point from this point to completely ignore everyone else in the room during worship, calm my thoughts and stand and worship the only one who is worthy to be worshiped. Connect deeply and intimately with the one who cares so greatly for me, I can't even fathom it. 

Your prayers are ALWAYS appreciated. 

So, I've not been having a good time in life lately - but, at the same time, I've been learning so much more about God than  I've ever realized was truth. I've felt so complainy, so whiney, and so pathetic, the past week or so - I can hardly stand myself, but I feel more open to help and more open to oppinions from other people than I EVER have. 

I'm just getting to the point in my life where I not only WANT to fix my junk, I'm DOING something about it. I'm working towards a goal. I'm working to deal with and get over stuff that I haven't yet. So, with that being said...it seems like everything is being dumped on me at once. 

One thing I'm having to do now is deal with my Dads death. May will begin the sixth year since my Dads death and I still haven't dealt with it. I'm not sure how to do it - but, with that being said, I got back from my Christmas break about a week ago to find out after a few days that a good friend of mine, from back home, had passed away. Not only did he pass away, but the way he died was the EXACT same way my Dad died...it was a hard blow. I didn't quite know how to deal with it, but this situation has cause me to meditate on an extremely important piece of scripture.

28 And we know that God causes everything to work together^[a] for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them. Romans 8:28

I've heard this verse all my life, but I've never really thought about it this much. God uses EVERYTHING for good. God can use a situation like the death of my Dad, or the death of my friend to reach so many people. God could have easily reached hundreds of people from those deaths - and honestly, I know He did. 

This week I've basically just learned not to be selfish in these kinds of situations.

Even though I was extremely upset with both situations, God used them to reach people through everyones pain.

I'd really appreciate you guys prayers.

Title...

So I've really been getting somewhere this week. I feel closer to God than I've ever been. I finally understand the fact that God loves me for who He made me - DUH, He wouldnt have made me the way He did if He didnt like it - and He absolutely delights in me. It doesnt matter where I've been or what I've done or how terrible the world or I may see some things in my past...God still loves me with the most unconditional love of all time. I'm His favorite Evan. I'm the only me there will ever be. (no rhyme intended) God loves me just the way that I am. If He can't have me, noone can. 

I finally get it. I finally feel like i can move on to bigger and better things for God. 

I get to go home in 7 days. Im so pumped. You have no idea. You never really realize how you love your home and family until youve been gone for almost 4 months. 7 days and counting.

Weird

So, I had this really weird dream last night - actually, several. 

I was actually IN two of them, the other two i was kinda just watching, unaffected. Well the last one I had left me with something. I'm apparently going to be taught Humility, after suffering from a cuncussion from having a motorcycle wreck. Hmmm. It kinda made me think though. Am I humble - or do I just have false humility? I'm not really sure. You best believe I'll be trying to figure it out.

My life is pretty complicated at the moment. I'm in masters of course, so that always complicates things a bit, but several people are trying to waltz back into my life who weren't really there to start with and I'm not really sure I want in my life anyway. Great. Seems wonderful doesn't it. I'm not trying to complain, if i sound like I am. It's actually kind of cool that, apparently, God finds me able to cope with this much turmoil in my mind. Although it isn't, at all, fun - it makes me feel a tinge of pride (the good kind) to know I'm ready, even though I would probably argue that fact. 

A friend and I were talking to other day. I was complaining, sadly, about how most of the time I feel like I'm stumbling around in a dark room trying to find a light switch, or a flashlight, or a match, or anything, but I keep stumbling and hitting my head on every sharp object in a ten foot radius. She gave me some very wise words. Stand still for a while. Stop trying to find my own way in the darkness and just trust. 

I'm trying really hard, but I'm pretty self-sufficient.