Title...

So I've really been getting somewhere this week. I feel closer to God than I've ever been. I finally understand the fact that God loves me for who He made me - DUH, He wouldnt have made me the way He did if He didnt like it - and He absolutely delights in me. It doesnt matter where I've been or what I've done or how terrible the world or I may see some things in my past...God still loves me with the most unconditional love of all time. I'm His favorite Evan. I'm the only me there will ever be. (no rhyme intended) God loves me just the way that I am. If He can't have me, noone can. 

I finally get it. I finally feel like i can move on to bigger and better things for God. 

I get to go home in 7 days. Im so pumped. You have no idea. You never really realize how you love your home and family until youve been gone for almost 4 months. 7 days and counting.

Weird

So, I had this really weird dream last night - actually, several. 

I was actually IN two of them, the other two i was kinda just watching, unaffected. Well the last one I had left me with something. I'm apparently going to be taught Humility, after suffering from a cuncussion from having a motorcycle wreck. Hmmm. It kinda made me think though. Am I humble - or do I just have false humility? I'm not really sure. You best believe I'll be trying to figure it out.

My life is pretty complicated at the moment. I'm in masters of course, so that always complicates things a bit, but several people are trying to waltz back into my life who weren't really there to start with and I'm not really sure I want in my life anyway. Great. Seems wonderful doesn't it. I'm not trying to complain, if i sound like I am. It's actually kind of cool that, apparently, God finds me able to cope with this much turmoil in my mind. Although it isn't, at all, fun - it makes me feel a tinge of pride (the good kind) to know I'm ready, even though I would probably argue that fact. 

A friend and I were talking to other day. I was complaining, sadly, about how most of the time I feel like I'm stumbling around in a dark room trying to find a light switch, or a flashlight, or a match, or anything, but I keep stumbling and hitting my head on every sharp object in a ten foot radius. She gave me some very wise words. Stand still for a while. Stop trying to find my own way in the darkness and just trust. 

I'm trying really hard, but I'm pretty self-sufficient. 

At it again

So I had one of these things before and I never used it. I honestly don't know if I'll use it this time. I generally have a lot of thoughts running through my head though so I thought this might help calm that down a little.

I'm in Master's Commission now. It pretty flippin' sweet, I won't lie. I love all the other students and the staff too. They're all like family now. I worry all the time though. The year is going by so quickly and I'm not so sure I'm doing what I need to do. It's already Thanksgiving break and I don't feel like I've changed all that much other than losing a little weight from going to the gym so much. Speaking of - I haven't been in two weeks! I don't know... I just feel like I'm failing at one more thing in my life. It's not fun to think that either. It actually sucks quite a bit. 

On a brighter note. This week (tg break) has been awesome so far. Today was the first day I got up before 10am, and I got up at 9:30. It's been great. I actually have to get to work on a persuasive speech thats due in my public speaking class next thursday. Not gonna be fun. Ack. I'm doing it on "Are Child Beauty Pageants Harmful?" Should be interesting.